NOTE: This article was originally published on Law360 on July 17, 2025 and is reprinted here with their permission.
As an experienced mediator, I work with attorneys daily to help resolve disputes across various practice areas. Each case presents its legal, interpersonal and emotional complexities — and it’s my job to help navigate through those layers productively, creatively and with the purpose of issue resolution.
Upon reflection, many valuable skills I bring to mediation are not limited to what I learned from law school, continuing legal education programs or years of legal practice. Each case presents an opportunity to learn more and enhance my mediation skills. But an unexpected new source of expanded skill sets came from my latest learning experience: playing American mah-jongg.
Mah-jongg is a tile-based game of strategy, skill and timing that originated in China and is played worldwide today. A standard game involves four players drawing and discarding Chinese character tiles, working toward assembling a complete hand — typically four sets of three and one pair.
American mah-jongg is a popular variation of the traditional Chinese variety, requiring players to conform to preset variations of a yearly official card issued by the National Mah Jongg League. The game rewards patience, pattern recognition, adaptability and keen observation. These traits are essential in mediation — both for mediators and the attorneys participating.
My Introduction to Mah-Jongg
Several years ago, after isolation indoors during the pandemic, I decided to fulfill a life goal of becoming a consummate snowbird. For four months I escaped from the sleet, snow, short days and dismal gray atmosphere. Enter Florida, the Sunshine State, with its warm winters and an aqua-blue ocean.
A friend had bought me a mah-jongg set for my new digs. I am still unsure if the gesture was a spoof or serious. Nevertheless, the set turned out to be a great gift.
As was my daily habit, I went to the pool and made friends with long-time residents of the building. I casually mentioned I had a mah-jongg game, but that I was clueless about playing. One of the swimmers piped up and said she was a lifelong player and would be happy to teach me. Before the conversation closed, eight to 10 more pool women requested instruction. Thus, the condo’s weekly mah-jongg club was formed.
The more I played, mistakes and all, familiar patterns of behavior, observation, analysis and skills emerged. I tried to figure out what it was I enjoyed about this game that I took to so
quickly and excelled at. Then it came to me, mah-jongg had many of the same skill sets I used in mediation.
Reading Subtext and Pattern Recognition
Mah-jongg is more than simply managing one’s hand. Success depends on noticing what tiles others discard or display on their racks, observing subtle tempo changes, and predicting opponents’ likely strategies. It is a game of incomplete information and careful inference.
Mediation is similar. Beyond what clients and counsel express explicitly, there are often underlying dynamics, unspoken concerns, and quiet shifts in tone or behavior. Mediators attuned to these signals are better positioned to identify real interests, defuse tension and recognize windows of opportunity for resolution.
Like the mah-jongg player, the mediator must know the official rules, relevant statutes, case law and parties. The mediator must also read the room — each lawyer’s strategy — and speculate on what lawyers indicate they have versus what they really have.
Similarly, in mah-jongg, you must know your hand, but also read what others seem to be planning, collecting or discarding.
Strategic Patience
A defining feature of mah-jongg is that the path to a winning hand is rarely linear. The right tile may not arrive immediately, and prematurely discarding a valuable piece can undermine long-term strategy. When you look at your first hand after the initial selection, and then go through Charleston — a structured series of tile passes between players — a bit of luck helps you to get what you need from your co-players on a discard or after breaking their tile stacks, also known as walls.
Patience is equally essential in mediation. Meaningful movement often takes time, and pressure to rush the process can be counterproductive. Counselors who approach mediation with a steady hand — allowing space for reflection, dialogue and incremental progress — often achieve better and more durable outcomes for their clients.
Listening to all counsel at mediation is like watching your mah-jongg opponent’s hands. In mah-jongg, you evaluate whether your opponents are going after certain suits or honor tiles, like cracks, bams or winds. In mediation, you consider whether the lawyers are looking for contribution or dismissal, and whether they are looking to resolve the issue by seeking a global resolution or forcing the opponent to frustrate any resolution by pure defensive plays.
In both pursuits, waiting, watching and analyzing the strategy must be methodical.
Adaptability in Real Time
Mah-jongg requires constant recalibration. A player may begin with one strategy and then shift entirely based on the draw of a tile or a competitor’s discard. Rigidity leads to missed opportunities.
The same applies in mediation. No matter how thoroughly a case is prepared, new information often emerges during the process. Attorneys who remain flexible — open to
reframing proposals, adjusting expectations or considering alternative structures — are better equipped to pivot when the path to agreement changes.
Mah-jongg players often doom their games by selecting a line on the card and committing to a strategy without watching how the tiles are running or what other players are doing. Similarly, calamity will result for attorneys who have one plan they are unwilling to alter when new information is shared.
Balancing Advocacy and Process Awareness
Although mah-jongg is competitive, it rewards a calm and focused approach. Emotional reactivity and aggressive overplaying often lead to mistakes. Instead, success comes from playing strategically within the game’s flow.
In mediation, effective advocacy includes presenting your client’s position and doing so in a way that invites collaboration. Mediation is not litigation. Counselors who understand how to use tone, timing and process awareness in concert with advocacy tend to build credibility with the mediator and opposing counsel.
Inexperienced counsel may be intransigent, aggressive and inflexible, which often deters the parties from reaching a resolution. The attorney might leave mediation feeling good about themselves, prideful about being tough, but never realizing that mediation is not litigation, and that they lost because a resolution was not reached.
You can effectively exercise defensive plays and mind games in mah-jongg. However, if you are hotheaded and obnoxious when playing, you have forgotten that mah-jongg is just a game. Cooler heads should always prevail, and in both mah-jongg and mediation, strategic fair play will get you a win or resolution.
The Importance of Timing
In mah-jongg, timing is everything. You must know when to hold, play and adjust your tiles. A hand’s rhythm can shift quickly, and experienced players sense when the right moment arises.
Similar instincts apply in mediation. Sometimes, the most impactful intervention is not a compelling argument, but a well-timed silence. Attorneys who sense when to pause, when to propose and when to let the process breathe, help keep negotiations moving forward without unnecessary friction.
A Shared Goal: Resolution
Ultimately, mah-jongg and mediation involve moving pieces toward alignment — within a framework, under evolving circumstances and with partial information. Both require focus, flexibility and respect for the process.
My experience at the mah-jongg table has shaped my ability to mediate calmly, strategically and attentively. I invite attorneys who work with me to bring the same qualities to mediation as advocates and as participants in a problem-solving process. When we approach mediation with awareness and adaptability, we give our clients the best possible chance of resolution.
Who knew I would love mah-jongg as much as I love the law and mediation? That said, it’s
worth remembering that mediation affects real people’s lives, while mah-jongg is just a game.
So, next time you play mah-jongg, enjoy the game, but don’t forget to bring your enhanced skills to the mediation table.
